"You two piss me off... giving me lip. If you two don't cut it out, I'll..."
"Catrina didn't do anything."
"Well, she's giving me an attitude."

I hadn't said a word to him for hours, hadn't looked him in the eye, hadn't talked about him... and yet....

And so, I got angry. I cried. I had to stop crying very soon too, otherwise, again for no logical reason, I'd have been accused of having an attitude.

So I'm not too terribly happy. I hope he is, because he sure pissed me off.

~Smile Forever
And sometimes I don't

Hey, I'm at the other end. I'm back online, sorta. Not like I was at home, but sorta close.

When I came out of the closet when I was 14, my mom turned around and said to me, 'You're grounded.'

Has anyone watched that show on MTV? My cousin has a TV in her room and since I'm sleeping there and she watches a lot of MTV... so yeah. But anyway.

I was watching that show yesterday. I'd been flipping channels and then I stopped randomly and heard some guy say "When I came out of the closet..." I stopped there for a while, but then my cousin came and changed the channel. Later I found it again, figured out what the show was, and watched it.

The guy's name is Danny, and I think he's sooo cute. Luckily for me, my cousin agrees with me.

If you watch the show, you'll have seen at the beginning that Derrick guy. He was acting incredibly homophobic and rude, making rude comments about fags and gay people and being generally ignorant. Even when he knew Danny was gay. My cousin and I were sitting there growling. Eventually he stopped being an ass, but it took a while.

Anyway, now that I'm sorta on the topic of my cousin, I'll mention that we're staying at my aunt's and uncle's for a while. Like... months probably. My cousin, Kaye Lani, is one year older than me and really cool. But one of the things I'd worried about was that she was going to be homophobic. Lucky for me she's not. She's totally cool with my bisexuality.

I'm glad. Considering I'm sharing a room with her, and I hate people not knowing my sexuality... It would have kinda sucked.

For those of you who haven't heard, I'm moving.

All my stuff's in boxes; they're piled to the ceiling. And they're getting picked up Monday. So we're heading out for the guest house then.

No computer for me, unless I convince mom to let me stay after school.

In other words, I'll be out of touch for several months. For me to stay in touch, I need addresses. So. If you want postcards, letters, etc, then I need your address.

So yeah.

Oh, and the surgery wounds are healing. They're just kinda achy. I think that's because they're right in the joint. I'm not sure though, so don't quote me on that...

<3 you all.

~Smile Forever
Don't forget me while I'm gone

11 hours till they cut out my wisdom teeth.

*makes a face*

Ick.

~Smile Forever
Not really wise y'know

Why couldn't you have just told me before I decided to go nuts over it?

Because it still bothers me...

And you won't even let me apologize.

You know who you are.

And I just wanted to let you know...

~Smile Forever
I love you, I'm sorry...

And around, and around, and around...

Yeah.

Today I went shopping, spent my just-earned allowance, because...

FAKE VOLUME 7 FINALLY CAME OUT!

*dies* It was plastic-wrapped and everything, so no scuffs, no bends, no fingerprints (except for mine which were put on as I unwrapped it) and most importantly, no plastic thingy on one of my beloved pages. I'm actually considering wearing plastic gloves when I read it, and I'm almost afraid to let anyone read my one truly mint-condition FAKE manga... *sighs* Oh, what is an obsessive fangirl to do?

Um, anyways. While browsing Pandora's Cube, a random guy (who, I later found out to be, ironically enough, named Guy) came up to me and asked if I knew of anything to do around the area. Unfortunately, I had to tell him that I couldn't think of anything in the immediate area. After he got over his disappointment, we got to talking. I found out that he was a soldier, a private, who'd finally been let out. So he'd been enjoying his freedom, proceeding to spend about $300, when he suddenly realized that he had nothing else to do. In his bored state, he wandered about Pandora's and cast his eye about for someone to talk to. In his immediate vicinity was li'l ol' me. Thus, he came to me.

A ways into the conversation, I found out that he was nineteen years old, brand spankin' new soldier, interested in anime, and one of the many people who'd made the mistake of thinking me several years older than I was. This mistake became obvious when he asked if I was in the army, and I told him I was still a high school student!

...Do I really look that old?

But we continued talking anyway. We laughed quite a bit, and he told me some of the horror stories from boot camp. I did plenty of wincing. (I'm never joining the army!) And finally, about fourty five minutes after we'd begun speaking, he asked me to join him for a cup of hot chocolate. Just a random guy. I said okay, but that I should ask my mom first. (I think he still had to get over the shock that I was in high school) I did, and unfortunately, mom said we had to go. But Guy and I exchanged emails and all that jazz. He now has my email, and knows my nickname (I introduced myself as simply Cat).

The point of all this is that I made a new buddy. (He was pretty cute, by the way. Just to let you know...) One who's into anime, and that I've seen in person. Possibly we'll never meet in person again until I'm a lot older, but y'know, it's all good. And that I don't think it's necessary to be paranoid of every random stranger who walks up to you. Sure, there are a few weirdos out there, but there are just as many perfectly normal people who just want to ask a question. Just because they ask you for something doesn't mean they're going to knock you down and rape you.

...Yeah. Just... saying. Because it annoys me how my mom thinks everybody's a freak who's going to attack you.

Of course, this doesn't necessarily mean I'm going to just take any stranger in with open arms. Just means that I'm not going to be paranoid about every person I meet on the street.

Anyway, moving on now.

I have a Rittersport. I haven't had one in who knows how long. So I'm happy. I also have a new pack of gum, and a new pair of flip flops, AND a new Shounen Jump. And my new FAKE. For the record, I am still considering wearing plastic gloves when I go to read it.

Oh yeah. I went biking this morning. Y'know the thing in anime where you get the cherry blossoms going everywhere? We saw something like that! Wasn't cherry blossoms, but they were pink and flying across the path...I just had to rush to go through them ^_^ I felt like a shoujo star... *sighs happily*

And tonight's Wolf's Rain. I've only seen the first episode, but come on now. Wolves turning into sexy guys and back again? Who can resist?!

...Okay. I'm done now. (Can you tell I had a pretty darn good day today?) Now I'm off to watch some anime! W00t w00t homie!

~Smile Forever
Nothing else to say

Annnnd... a random song to end this, courtesy of Julie:

Happy happy, joy joy!
I'm a kinky sex toy!
Bite me, beat me, make me bleed
Kinky sex is all I need!

(Gotta love it ^_~)

Day of Silence

I will be participating in this, whether our school actively signs up or not.

What it is, is a national program to end oppression of homosexuals, bisexuals, transvestites, what have you. Basically, on the 21st, students will be silent all of the school day to protest oppression of GLBT people.

My school is not signed up for it, but tomorrow I'm going to talk to our principal and tell him that I'm going to participate. I'll also tell my teachers; I don't care what anyone thinks. I don't care if it would mean making it publicly known that I'm pansexual. It's not shameful for me. I'm proud of who I am. People can look at me as weirdly as they want. I'm going to do this.

Anyone willing to join me? There's a list of what schools are going to do it right here, so you could check if your school is participating or not.

If I'd have known about this before, I'd have pushed to be signed up. I mean... Come on now.

Tomorrow, I'll ask Ashley, Ty, Morgan, whoever if they want to join me. I'll either make myself a sign or I'll decorate a shirt. Then I'll wear it proudly.

Think what you want, people! Cat's doing what she wants now! ^__^

~Smile Forever
Me and proud of it

Ummm... Yeah... Just popping on before school because knowing me, I'll have forgotten to do this by the time I get home.

I've got Harvest Moon: A Wonderful Life now, and for those of you who don't know, I play the HM series obsessively. As in, get up, get on, wait until laaate at night, get off, and either go online or go to bed. School days, it's get up, go to school, go home, grab snack, play HM till late at night, then either go online or to bed.

I'll possibly be doing this for a while... So unless you stay online really late, the chances of you seeing me over the next few days are slim to none...

By the way, I also got Gravitation 5 and Love Hina 2, both of which are really good. I enjoyed them immensely. I'll probably be reading Gravitation over breakfast this morning...

Speaking of which...

*glances at clock*

Gotta go. I was actually doing good this morning >< maybe I can actually get out of here without running late!

~Smile Forever
So many excuses!

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas
I am strong when I am on your shoulders
You raise me up to more than I can be...

Today, I was reminded of an occurance that happened a while back. Liney and I were talking, and I told her I wished I could give her a hug. Her response was that she's probably push her away, so I told her I'd force it. Then when she replied that she'd bite me, I answered, "I wouldn't care."

I'm sorry that I can't tell you that you're not a good person. I know you have your bad points, even if they're hidden. I know there are probably so many things you haven't told me; but that's okay. I don't really mind. I don't care if you're one of the worst people on the planet. You're one of the best I know.

Probably the only lies I've ever told you are back when we first met, when we barely knew each other, a few of the times that I told you I was doing good when I wasn't. I guess those were empty words; but I try my damn best not to lie to you anymore.

The bitter truth? If you push me away, I'll do the exact same thing I told Liney I'd do. I'd try to hug you, and if you pushed me away, I'd just try again. Mostly because I'm stupid, but also because I love you. I don't care how many times you've tried to push me away, whether you succeeded or failed.

I know that you're not as strong as you seem on the outside. But the truth is... I'm not either. So I don't mind if you're not. All I can do is try to offer you some of the precious strength I possess.

I can't stop loving you, either. You don't care that I want to watch myself bleed to death. You don't care that I'm an idiot who can never say anything eloquently, I can only say it as blunt emotion. You don't care that I've done stupid stuff, and hurt myself, even if it wasn't that serious. You don't seem to care, anyway. You are weak; that's why you love me too.

Love is a weakness. It hurts you, lowers your defenses, clouds your vision. It leaves you vulnerable. It makes you hurt others, and it makes you do things that are stupid and irrational.

But love is also a strength. It gives you something to protect: your loved ones. Think about it. If something were to happen to you, Liz would be devestated. She'd be utterly hurt. I don't know her that well, so I don't know what all she would feel or do...

I just know that's how I would feel.

Whether it means anything to you, whether it makes you angry or not, whether it makes you feel worthless and hopeless and sad and dead and weak, I want you to know this.

I love you, Sis. It makes me weak, and it makes me strong, but above all, it makes me me. Love is my greatest weakness, and my greatest strength; I believe it might be so for you as well.

I want to know what is wrong. I don't know if you'll tell me, but I do want to know.

Know this too: If it is what you want, I'll go away, and never speak to you again... I may not like it much, but if it is what you want...

~Smile Forever
I'd do anything just to hold you in my arms...

I need someone to get me out of here.

I need someone to save me from my parents.

I need someone to help me escape from this house...

But most of all...

I need someone to save me from myself...

Before I do something stupid again...

~Smile Forever
It's so much more than that now